My Norah Jones / Terrorizer moment

I've always wanted to spit everything out, online.
Because I really don't know how to talk to people, like in person.
To me, good reaction to my stories is to do nothing at all, to say nothing.

Have you guys ever feel so bloated with problems that came out of nowhere?
I keep feeling that, non-stop.
I think it's normal to be sad about nothing.
I think it's normal to scroll down a long list of sad songs on your phone,
and think every words they sing are damn true.

HAH.

I think,
I am standing on that stage where I dont give a shit about eight hour sleep,
or eight cups of plain water.
and
I dont bother having pimples on my face because
I dont have enough sleep and my body is lacking water.

Fuck it.

All I need at this moment is Norah Jones and Bob Dylan.
Or maybe when I think too much I might need Death or Terrorizer.

Appreciate is never too late

There are few things in life that you need to re-calibrate before you walk into a certain level of life. Like me, I am turning 25 this year and it is not easy to tell yourself that you are becoming a legit adult. Another 5 years and your age number will start with 3! How can that not be scary?

And you have to think about marriage, that is the worst part. For me, getting married is like, you are sinking slowly to the bottom... but if you can find a person who can sink to the bottom with you, why not?


And to think about having a good-solid job..

Damn, life is tough. I don't even know what's the reason we all live, just to please the judgemental society, meet people who is going to break you and make you cry, fail in achieving something that you really really want, eat disgusting foods, come to work and argue about coffee...

what the fuck.

but chill. despite all the turbulence in life, we sometimes forget about all the good stuff like ..

you meet people that makes you happy, you went to a place that you really love, you managed to afford some beautiful gadgets, etc etc.

EVERYTIME I feel like there is no beauty left in life, I reminisce all the good things that I have found. It makes me calm for few secs tho.

The art of appreciating is so important and yet we forget about it all the time. We always focus on the negative one.

Scary stuff and shits

I just had Lamb Chop and two Iced Lemon Tea, with my friends. One of them just bought a new camera. 

One foot lands on the floor and one more is becoming a "good" surface for my laptop. I just made my self an Iced Black Tea because I don't know, man. I'm thirsty. 

I need to talk. I mean, say something out. 

I am neither feeling sad or happy. But to recognize a feeling is an important thing to do, once in a while. I just had an excruciating headache this morning, it sucks. Luckily, someone came to my bed and nag about the too-much-smoking-and-drinking-can-kill-you and prepare me porridge and medicine. Whew, feeling better.

But lately, I feel lonely. 

Lonely does not mean I have no one to talk to. Alone and Lonely has a huge difference. 

I feel lonely probably because I find that my presence is not treasured anymore. I dislike the fact that you let someone have all your efforts, but you don't get any. I am not expecting for it tho. At least they can say something good to thank the efforts I gave.

It is getting scarier. It gets scary when you know you can't run away from things like these. 

You are tired but the universe is forcing you to work. You are sleepy but the universe is forcing you to stay awake. You are hungry but the universe don't let you eat. Padahal tek, you can do whatever you want because the life is yours. But you choose to please the universe instead. Shit eh.

Don't you see?

Is having a new thing makes you happy and satisfied? Yes. But how long will it last? 

The worst part of life is to see changes. 

Shit happens and shit also changes. 

How fast can you walk on this thread and can you even run? 

You can't. No one can. It's either you'll end up falling and die, or keep walking with fear of falling down and die. Both contribute pain. 

But you see, shit can't happen if you don't do shitty thing. 

Which means, everything comes from you. Yourself. 

Don't you notice? 

Truth Project

Clench harder... these masks are getting thicker

But hold on.. let them breathe underneath 

Come closer... these voices are injecting lies

But hold on... let them speak a little louder

The road is clear, now make your move

Carry your magnitude and run,lady, faster...

Paint the masks with truth and eternal verities

And leave the road and walk your way home...

the ground

the time is always there but can you keep it
if you can keep it, will you give it a good hand?
because if you can, is your life going to be happy?
or is it going to be the same...

they say time is gold but when you grow old,
is everything going to be gold?
because if it does then why do they frown?
and when everything is going down,
we're all going to stay in the ground

forever....

-

If you ask me to make a list of ''why do I prefer living alone'', it'll take me 4 hours to do it. To be specific, a day.

But I'll just spend few minutes, special case. k?

My major reason is of course : privacy.
But is the reason strong enough to make people think that you love your family but you don't want to live with them? People will always keep the bad thoughts about it. I have been living alone for the past 7 years. It's the bumpiest journey ever. But I enjoyed it tho. I can sleep and wakeup anytime I want. I can shower anytime I want. I can eat when I feel like eating and I can skip lunch or dinner when my apetite is travelling to Russia.

I know. You can also do that when you're staying with your family.

But for a person like me, I work in F&B line and I meet different types of idiots everyday and when I come home from work, I wanted peace. I want to sleep in a quiet environment, watch the right TV channel, eat something that I've been craving for hours. Listen to what I want to listen, not your advice on how-to-be-a-better-person.

No, I just want what I want.

I've been good to people, all the time. So I expect something good in return, as in :

I dont know?

Peace? at least?

One more thing about living alone that I like is that, when you are dying of hunger and thirst, it's your responsible to find anything to cure yourself. Being broke is the worst part, but it's the best part of the experience. Also, by being broke, you can see who's your real friends are. :)

I have seen a lot of people. But I want to see more.

Sigh.

Life is so painful and tiring. It's sad to know that you can only rest peacefully when you're dead.